Death in the Cave

how: part 3

Last time we left off at the beginning of the darkest chapter of my life.

After my mom’s announcement that my oldest brother would have to be killed, things were set in motion that could never be reversed. Plans were made and other members of my family were selected to carry out the heinous crime. Late one night, Clayton was murdered in our home.

We had very nearly reached the bottom of the cave. All light had been extinguished. Only by sharing details I am not willing to disclose could I begin to communicate to you just how dark that cave had become.

From there, nothing changed. The catalyst failed and 6 awful months went by. During that time my sister realized something was wrong and wanted out. She started talking to me about it some, carefully. She started showing subtle signs of resistance and my mom threatened to kill her. A few nights I spent the night with her outside in Clayton’s old car with the doors locked because she thought that would be the safest way to sleep.

Then she hatched a plan and claimed god had told her to contrive and repent and so she did. It wasn’t real but it helped her survive.

When I was 12, my mom announced we were going to have to do something else. Group suicide. We discussed methods and plans but nothing stuck. Within a few weeks instructions changed. It was my mom alone who would have to die and 3 days later she would return bringing about the great promised chain of events. Late one night I hugged her goodbye for the last time and she walked out the front door and committed suicide.

I told my sister it would be okay. The nightmare was almost over. Yet at the same time, with astonishing cognitive dissonance, I still hoped I would see my mom in 3 days.

I didn't; she never came back. And that’s when I realized my sister really was right. Everything we had believed was a lie.  I have never cried so much for so long. I hope I never have to again. This final failed promise put irreparable cracks in the cult’s foundation with most of us realizing quickly it was all a lie. A couple held on a bit longer. We started wrestling with what to do next. Do we run and try to start over somewhere else?

Up Next: Truth Resurrected